It all seemed to work well between the two of you – movies at cinemas, dinner dates at anywhere, overnight over-the-phone conversation and all - until an incubus or a break-up-evil-spirit exorcised him and he suddenly went berserk. All of a sudden, he wouldn’t answer your text messages. He wouldn’t show up, or even if he did you would have finished reading Sophie’s World or 100 Years of Solitude waiting for him to arrive. You would start seeing comments on his Friendster profile from several girls he never told you about. He would feed you with alibis rather than the occasional good food. You would confront him because he had already waked up the furious fiend in you. And, so, you nagged. In retort he demanded a break-up. You couldn’t react to it hastily because it was all new. You wouldn’t accept the proposal, but he would insist and make the mug of a victim and deliver the lines of the innocent beatknot to make you let him go, which is really very ironic and stupid. And it was all gone, so was he. What actually sucked is that it was you who emerged as the cheater so it was altogether all right for him to have a new beau. You could spend the rest of your college days eating expensive chocolates, or even your whole life as a spinster, or maybe you could tag along these pieces of advice till you pulled yourself together and showed him how you could be a better person without him:
The Ten Commandments on Moving On and Kicking Your Ex’s Ass
1. Thou shall not stay near him.
2. Thou shall not share any obligation or duty again or even to talk to him.
3. Thou shall forget his smell and the title of his favorite Eraserheads’s song.
4. Thou shall, in no way, mingle with his friends after the split-up.
5. Thou shall avoid listening to despondent music and watching heartrending movies.
6. Thou shall not keep his photographs or visit his Friendster profile or Facebook wall or both.
7. Thou shall delete his text messages, voice messages, and even his number.
8. Thou shall avoid his parents and relatives.
9. Thou shall not spend time alone.
10. Thou shall start making yourself a better person by the time you finished reading this (get a new haircut, buy new clothes, etc.)
Although it is also correct to feel and taste the pain till you puke it out like a tasteless, chewed gum like what Morrie said, it is a lot safer if you would fast-track the course a bit and do these, or you might end up singing Semisonic’s Closing Time or Sarah Bareilles’s Gravity at the nearest bar in town ingesting a copious amount of alcohol, alone, over a dumbass’s goodbye. (John Kelvin R. Briones)
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